– Vee Haslam –
What listening to yourself can sound like…
When I was in my late 20’s, I heard myself… screaming… at myself… inside my own mind.
Sitting in a room of twenty-ish fellow postgraduate students. Learning about self-awareness, change & innovation, and group dynamics.
On the outside, I appeared to sit in silence…
On the inside, I felt utterly stuck with no words coming out of my mouth!
Frustrated at myself for not being able to contribute to the group dialogue. As we sat in a circle in organic conversation – emerging from an intentional space of no structure and no assigned topic.
The environment was unfamiliar, uncertain and unpredictable.
Sitting in sporadic moments of individual reflection on anything that arose at that present moment – from dreams to long, silent pauses.
All I wanted was to be:
- Guided on what we were meant to be focussed on so I could think of something to say…
While, when I really listened to myself, I heard myself loud and clear through:
- The distress I felt in my body as I did not know what was expected of me.
I was trapped in a cycle of feeling vulnerable and unconfident. Too busy beating myself up in my mind for being the ONLY one feeling like this… (or so I thought until a couple of years later).
I didn’t know what was expected of me…
No words were spoken out loud…
While that did not mean no experience was being felt…
During this formative experience and in the years since through self-enquiry, action-learning and working with individuals and teams during times of change, I see that I was asking MYSELF to listen to ME.
Beyond words and external expectations.
Beyond the masks I had so readily assumed in my life up until that point in time.
Beyond the vulnerabilities that being in changing and uncertain environments can hold.
To pay attention to my inner voice breaking through my assumed identities. Lovingly drawing attention to myself through the emotional chaos felt within.
- Who was I really? Beyond my known roles of partner, project director, daughter, sister, friend?
- How had I been living with various masks in my assumed identities & roles?
- How did I know my value when I didn’t know what was expected of me?
This was a profound and critical time of growth for me which prompted my endless curiosity about the importance of what we don’t talk about – both individually and collectively. I affectionately refer to these moments as the elephant in the meeting room.
Elephants are especially prevalent during uncertain times.
Processing through our inner narratives is a natural part of our meeting rooms. It is a very human experience 😊
In uncertain times, elephants commonly find a seat at our meeting room tables as we are in organic, emerging situations together. Trying to make sense in the present moment when:
- Our known structures are no longer
- We may find it challenging to know what is expected of us
- We may feel heightened anxiety, fear and overwhelm in not knowing how to take up our roles, interrelate with the shifting group dynamics and meet changing expectations.
The absence of words spoken out loud does NOT necessarily reflect the absence of deeply felt experience.
Next time you are communicating to yourself from within, try to listen beyond the words you speak out loud.
- Notice what your body is telling you
- Notice what you story is revealing to you
- Embrace the parts of yourself you might tend to judge or criticise.
Listen with an open heart and embrace your own human moments as you would if it were someone you deeply loved.
Because YOU are important for YOU to listen to.
I have found life has a way of continuing to give us opportunities to hear ourselves.
When we ignore our own inner voice, while the immediate situation may seem to pass, another often presents in our path to enable us to pay attention… should we choose to.
These moments are a bit like our inner compass. Designed to help guide us on our path of learning and growth so we can be in our unique, authentic essence.
Which is so important! Individually and collectively.
So, when you feel that your inner compass is trying to get your attention:
- Take a conscious moment to pause
- Listen with intention to understand
- Know that you are focussing on important work as YOU are important. Peak performance and wellbeing are enabled through being in our unique essence.
What we have within ourselves, we can give to others.
By recognising and practising listening to ourselves, we can share this energy with others.
Just like any other technical skill, we can learn tools and practices to help us recognise and listen to our inner voice. To be empowered in times of inner chaos finding inner calm, clarity and connection.
When we practice inner curiosity, learning and non-judgment, we consciously co-create this is the world we live in.
May you have a magical workday, every day!
Vee
